A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam was having trouble with one of her students
The teacher asked, "Boy, what is your problem?"
Boy. answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the principal's office. While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third grade."
Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him?" The principal and Boy. both agree.
Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Boy, after a moment "Legs."
Ms Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."
Ms Neelam: "What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"
Boy.: "Coconut"
Ms Neelam: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge."
Boy: "Bubblegum"
Ms Neelam: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy: "Shake hands."
Ms Neelam: "Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?"
Boy.: "Yep."
Ms Neelam: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do."
Boy.: "Tent."
Ms Neelam: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: "Wedding Ring"
Ms Neelam: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good."
Boy.: "Nose"
Ms Neelam: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver."
Boy.: "Arrow"
Ms Neelam: "What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?"
Boy.: "Firetruck"
Ms Neelam: "What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand."
Boy.: "Fork"
Ms Neelam: "What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?"
Boy.: "SURNAME"
Ms Neelam: "What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?"
Boy.: "HEART."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
"Send this Boy. to Delhi University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Horse's Ass
A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as former President Clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled:
"Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen."
A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him. A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton appeared on the television."She's a horse's ass too."
This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool.
"Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar.
"This must be Clinton country!"
"Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"
Did you hear about the blonde that...
Did you hear about the blonde that...
....Lost her boyfriend because she forgot where she laid him.
....Thought that asphalt was rectum trouble.
....Was called tapioca because she could be made in a minute.
....Thought her typewriter was pregnant because it missed a period.
....Thought that "no kidding" meant some form of birth control.
....Thought that peter pan was something for under the bed.
....Thought that "Moby Dick" was a venereal disease.
....Thought that a sanitary belt was a drink from clean shot glass.
....Smelled good only on the right side because she couldn't find the left guard.
....Wore union pants because her best friend was having labor pains.
....Studied 5 days for a urine test.
....Thought KOTEX was a radio station in Texas.
....Thought fetus was a character from "Gunsmoke".
....Thought a mushroom was a place to kiss.
....Was in the Indy 500 and had 7 pit stops, 1 for gas and 6 for directions.
....Put 75 holes in her face?...she was learning to eat with a fork.
....Lost her boyfriend because she forgot where she laid him.
....Thought that asphalt was rectum trouble.
....Was called tapioca because she could be made in a minute.
....Thought her typewriter was pregnant because it missed a period.
....Thought that "no kidding" meant some form of birth control.
....Thought that peter pan was something for under the bed.
....Thought that "Moby Dick" was a venereal disease.
....Thought that a sanitary belt was a drink from clean shot glass.
....Smelled good only on the right side because she couldn't find the left guard.
....Wore union pants because her best friend was having labor pains.
....Studied 5 days for a urine test.
....Thought KOTEX was a radio station in Texas.
....Thought fetus was a character from "Gunsmoke".
....Thought a mushroom was a place to kiss.
....Was in the Indy 500 and had 7 pit stops, 1 for gas and 6 for directions.
....Put 75 holes in her face?...she was learning to eat with a fork.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Innocent Daughters
A Mother had three virgin daughters. They were all getting married, and mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started. She made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex was going.
The first daughter sent a card from her honeymoon in Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe". At first mom was puzzled, but she went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good til the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent her card from Vermont a week after the wedding. The card said only: "Benson & Hedges". Mom went to the drawer where her husband kept his cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size". Again mom was slightly embarrassed, but she was happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Mom started to get really worried. Then after a month, the card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky hand writing were the words "British Airways".
Mom took out her latest Harpers Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for BA. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."
Mom fainted ....
The first daughter sent a card from her honeymoon in Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe". At first mom was puzzled, but she went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good til the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent her card from Vermont a week after the wedding. The card said only: "Benson & Hedges". Mom went to the drawer where her husband kept his cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size". Again mom was slightly embarrassed, but she was happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Mom started to get really worried. Then after a month, the card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky hand writing were the words "British Airways".
Mom took out her latest Harpers Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for BA. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."
Mom fainted ....
Tongue Twisters
Here are some interesting Toungue Twisters to....what else, Twist your Tongue...enjoy...
Peter bought a butter, The butter Peter bought was bitter,
So Peter bought a better butter, to make the bitter butter better.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Did Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled peppers?
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
Betty Botter had some butter, But," she said, "this butter's bitter.
If I bake this bitter butter, it would make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter-that would make my batter better."
So she bought a bit of butter, better than her bitter butter,
And she baked it in her batter, and the batter was not bitter.
So 'twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter.
Six thick thistle sticks. Six thick thistles stick.
A big black bug bit a big black bear, made the big black bear bleed blood.
Pope Sixtus VI's six texts.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
The shells she sells are surely seashells.
So if she sells shells on the seashore, I'm sure she sells seashore shells.
Surely Sylvia swims!" shrieked Sammy, surprised.
Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink."
Shy Shelly says she shall sew sheets. Sam's shop stocks short spotted socks.
A flea and a fly flew up in a flue. Said the flea, "Let us fly!"
Said the fly, "Let us flee!" So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
Which wristwatches are Swiss wristwatches?
Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.
A bitter biting bittern Bit a better brother bittern,
And the bitter better bittern Bit the bitter biter back.
And the bitter bittern, bitten,
By the better bitten bittern, said: "I'm a bitter biter bit, a lack!"
Mr. See owned a saw. And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See, which made Soar sore.
Had Soar seen See's saw before See sawed Soar's seesaw,
See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw.
So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
But it was sad to see Soar so sore just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw!
The boot black bought the black boot back.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
He would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood.
As a wood chuck would if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
We surely shall see the sun shine soon.
Which witch wished which wicked wish?
Hope you liked them....
Peter bought a butter, The butter Peter bought was bitter,
So Peter bought a better butter, to make the bitter butter better.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Did Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled peppers?
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
Betty Botter had some butter, But," she said, "this butter's bitter.
If I bake this bitter butter, it would make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter-that would make my batter better."
So she bought a bit of butter, better than her bitter butter,
And she baked it in her batter, and the batter was not bitter.
So 'twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter.
Six thick thistle sticks. Six thick thistles stick.
A big black bug bit a big black bear, made the big black bear bleed blood.
Pope Sixtus VI's six texts.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
The shells she sells are surely seashells.
So if she sells shells on the seashore, I'm sure she sells seashore shells.
Surely Sylvia swims!" shrieked Sammy, surprised.
Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink."
Shy Shelly says she shall sew sheets. Sam's shop stocks short spotted socks.
A flea and a fly flew up in a flue. Said the flea, "Let us fly!"
Said the fly, "Let us flee!" So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
Which wristwatches are Swiss wristwatches?
Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.
A bitter biting bittern Bit a better brother bittern,
And the bitter better bittern Bit the bitter biter back.
And the bitter bittern, bitten,
By the better bitten bittern, said: "I'm a bitter biter bit, a lack!"
Mr. See owned a saw. And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See, which made Soar sore.
Had Soar seen See's saw before See sawed Soar's seesaw,
See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw.
So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
But it was sad to see Soar so sore just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw!
The boot black bought the black boot back.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
He would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood.
As a wood chuck would if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
We surely shall see the sun shine soon.
Which witch wished which wicked wish?
Hope you liked them....
Interesting Facts
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis,would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are
the facts about the three candidates.
Candidate A : Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B : He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening
Candidate C : He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.
Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.
Wait till you see the end of this note! Keep reading...
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember :
Amateurs...built the ark.
Professionals...built the Titanic
And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more
than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis,would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are
the facts about the three candidates.
Candidate A : Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B : He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening
Candidate C : He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.
Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.
Wait till you see the end of this note! Keep reading...
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember :
Amateurs...built the ark.
Professionals...built the Titanic
And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more
than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Oddly Enough News Article | Reuters.com
Three die playing catch with grenade
Reuters, Mon Nov 7, 2005 11:27 AM ET163
BANJA LUKA, Bosnia (Reuters) - A hand grenade being used instead of a ball in a game of catch exploded early on Saturday killing three youths in this Bosnian town, police and news agencies said.
Two youths aged 19 and 20, one of them from neighboring Croatia, were killed instantly while a 20-year-old woman died on her way to hospital, police said. Her sister was slightly injured but two other youths suffered serious injuries.
The blast occurred at 2:00 a.m. in the western town of Novi Grad at a place in the town center frequented by youngsters. Police said an inquiry was under way and declined further comment. It was not clear why the grenade exploded.
ONASA news agency quoted witnesses as saying the youths tossed the hand grenade to each other before it exploded in the hands of one of them.
Bosnia is awash with illegal weapons left over from the 1992-95 war and tragic incidents are frequent despite several successful campaigns by international peacekeepers and police to get people to hand over illegal weapons.
Read the full article at : Oddly Enough News Article | Reuters.com
Reuters, Mon Nov 7, 2005 11:27 AM ET163
BANJA LUKA, Bosnia (Reuters) - A hand grenade being used instead of a ball in a game of catch exploded early on Saturday killing three youths in this Bosnian town, police and news agencies said.
Two youths aged 19 and 20, one of them from neighboring Croatia, were killed instantly while a 20-year-old woman died on her way to hospital, police said. Her sister was slightly injured but two other youths suffered serious injuries.
The blast occurred at 2:00 a.m. in the western town of Novi Grad at a place in the town center frequented by youngsters. Police said an inquiry was under way and declined further comment. It was not clear why the grenade exploded.
ONASA news agency quoted witnesses as saying the youths tossed the hand grenade to each other before it exploded in the hands of one of them.
Bosnia is awash with illegal weapons left over from the 1992-95 war and tragic incidents are frequent despite several successful campaigns by international peacekeepers and police to get people to hand over illegal weapons.
Read the full article at : Oddly Enough News Article | Reuters.com
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