Microsoft Infected by Virus
Posted by CowboyNeal on Friday August 26, @12:47PM
Vicissidude writes "It appears that a Microsoft worker returning from overseas brought back a case of Measles with them. In fact, they had been back, working, and spreading the disease at Microsoft and other places in Redmond for at least four days prior to being discovered. Somehow I do not think that Microsoft included in their cost-benefit analysis of offshoring the potential wide-spread infection of their company. Perhaps they should include that risk in the future."
Read the full article at : Slashdot | Microsoft Infected by Virus
Friday, August 26, 2005
Monday, August 22, 2005
Gender English
Men's English
I'm hungry. = I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy.
I'm tired. = I'm tired.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Nice dress! = Nice tits!
You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you.
What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?
I love you. = Let's have sex now.
I love you, too. = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before.
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(while shopping) I like that one better. = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
Women's English
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and rock him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
The answer to What's wrong?:
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole
I'm hungry. = I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy.
I'm tired. = I'm tired.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Nice dress! = Nice tits!
You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you.
What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?
I love you. = Let's have sex now.
I love you, too. = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before.
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(while shopping) I like that one better. = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
Women's English
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and rock him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
The answer to What's wrong?:
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole
The Five Stages Of Drunk
The Five Stages Of Drunk:
Provided as a public service, so that on the upcoming holiday, you don't have to experience these stages yourself, at least not all of them!
Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.
Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing.
This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.
Provided as a public service, so that on the upcoming holiday, you don't have to experience these stages yourself, at least not all of them!
Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.
Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing.
This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.
Just like my wife
Just like my wife
Prostitute to man: "Hi, want to have sex?"
Man to prostitute: "Ok. But only if you do it like my wife does."
Prostitute: "I can do it in any way you like. So how does she do it?"
Man: "She does it for free."
Prostitute to man: "Hi, want to have sex?"
Man to prostitute: "Ok. But only if you do it like my wife does."
Prostitute: "I can do it in any way you like. So how does she do it?"
Man: "She does it for free."
Tech Support
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as WWF 3.0. and Cricket 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.htm" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, over use of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0. It runs a virus in the background, that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.
Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as WWF 3.0. and Cricket 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.htm" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, over use of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0. It runs a virus in the background, that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.
Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
One Line Jokes
One Line Jokes
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that person considered a hostage situation?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
So what's the speed of dark?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that person considered a hostage situation?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
So what's the speed of dark?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left
A Penguin Walks into a Bar
A Penguin Walks into a Bar
A penguin walks into a bar, and asks the bartender if he has any plums. The bartender, confused, tells the penguin that no, his bar doesn't serve plums. The penguin thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the penguin returns, and again repeats his request for plums. Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve plums, has never served plums, and, furthermore, will never serve plums. The penguin, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the penguin returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: "Listen, penguin! This is a bar! We do not serve plums! If you ever ask for plums again, I will nail your stupid penguin beak to the bar!" The penguin is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Do you have any nails?''
Confused, the bartenders says "No."
"Good!" says the penguin. "Then do you have any plums?"
A penguin walks into a bar, and asks the bartender if he has any plums. The bartender, confused, tells the penguin that no, his bar doesn't serve plums. The penguin thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the penguin returns, and again repeats his request for plums. Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve plums, has never served plums, and, furthermore, will never serve plums. The penguin, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the penguin returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: "Listen, penguin! This is a bar! We do not serve plums! If you ever ask for plums again, I will nail your stupid penguin beak to the bar!" The penguin is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Do you have any nails?''
Confused, the bartenders says "No."
"Good!" says the penguin. "Then do you have any plums?"
Penguins Go to the Zoo
Penguins Go to the Zoo
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
FACTS ABOUT LIFE
FACTS ABOUT LIFE
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone Rs. 200 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
15. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
25. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass. Then things get worse.
26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.
30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone Rs. 200 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
15. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
25. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass. Then things get worse.
26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.
30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
The Moral of the Story
The Moral of the Story:
I happened to pass a house with a little red light burning in front, in an alley way in back of the London Hilton, so I stepped inside to see what may be on offer. There was nothing in sight and nothing there but an empty bare hallway, with two doors reading, "Over 35" and "Under 35." I decided to be truthful and entered the door that said, "Over 35."and found myself in another empty hallway, this one with two doors that read, "Over 8 inches" and "Under 8 inches." Truthful again, I went through the "Under 8 inches" door and found myself in another empty hall, with two more doors reading, "Once a night" and "Over 4 times a night." Still wanting to be truthful, I entered the door marked "Once a night" and found myself back out on the street.
The moral of this story is: "Always tell the truth and you'll never get screwed."
I happened to pass a house with a little red light burning in front, in an alley way in back of the London Hilton, so I stepped inside to see what may be on offer. There was nothing in sight and nothing there but an empty bare hallway, with two doors reading, "Over 35" and "Under 35." I decided to be truthful and entered the door that said, "Over 35."and found myself in another empty hallway, this one with two doors that read, "Over 8 inches" and "Under 8 inches." Truthful again, I went through the "Under 8 inches" door and found myself in another empty hall, with two more doors reading, "Once a night" and "Over 4 times a night." Still wanting to be truthful, I entered the door marked "Once a night" and found myself back out on the street.
The moral of this story is: "Always tell the truth and you'll never get screwed."
Initiation Fee
Initiation Fee
Bob knocked on the door of the house where a cab driver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted.
"I want to get screwed," said Bob.
"OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip $20, as an initiation fee, through the mail slot," answered the voice. Bob put the money in the mail slot, the panel was closed, minutes passed. Nothing happened. He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open.
"Hey," exclaimed Bob, "I want to get screwed!"
"What," said the female voice, "again?"
Bob knocked on the door of the house where a cab driver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted.
"I want to get screwed," said Bob.
"OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip $20, as an initiation fee, through the mail slot," answered the voice. Bob put the money in the mail slot, the panel was closed, minutes passed. Nothing happened. He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open.
"Hey," exclaimed Bob, "I want to get screwed!"
"What," said the female voice, "again?"
Ever been screwed
A man was sitting on a beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman, the brunette, walked over to the man and said "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man said "No.", so she gave him a hug and walked on.
Next, the redhead went to him and asked "Have you ever had a kiss?"
The man said "No.", so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
Last, the blonde came to him and said "Have you ever been screwed?
The fellow excitedly said "No, I haven't!".
She said "Well, I think you will be when the tide comes in."
Three women, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman, the brunette, walked over to the man and said "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man said "No.", so she gave him a hug and walked on.
Next, the redhead went to him and asked "Have you ever had a kiss?"
The man said "No.", so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
Last, the blonde came to him and said "Have you ever been screwed?
The fellow excitedly said "No, I haven't!".
She said "Well, I think you will be when the tide comes in."
Buying a Car
Buying a Car
Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble. He sees two little old ladies in the front seat of a Chevrolet convertible, parked in a used car lot.
The car lot is closed so O'Leary drives up alongside the Chevy and asks, "Are you two ladies trying to steal this car?"
"Certainly not," says one of the ladies, "We purchased the car this afternoon."
"Well," says the cop, "Why don't you start it up and drive out of here?"
"We don't drive," replies the other little old lady. "And besides we are waiting".
"What are you waiting for?", asked the cop.
The old lady sitting in the drivers seat replies," We were told that if we ever bought a car from here we would get screwed."
Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble. He sees two little old ladies in the front seat of a Chevrolet convertible, parked in a used car lot.
The car lot is closed so O'Leary drives up alongside the Chevy and asks, "Are you two ladies trying to steal this car?"
"Certainly not," says one of the ladies, "We purchased the car this afternoon."
"Well," says the cop, "Why don't you start it up and drive out of here?"
"We don't drive," replies the other little old lady. "And besides we are waiting".
"What are you waiting for?", asked the cop.
The old lady sitting in the drivers seat replies," We were told that if we ever bought a car from here we would get screwed."
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
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